And you thought YOU were entertaining...

So I thought I should spend a little time showing you what I do when I'm bored at work. This is from last Easter:


From: CBrunner
To: JKohout; BRallis
Date: 3/24/2008 8:32 AM
Subject: The Candy

Dear Easter Bunny,
Don’t think that I don’t know it was you who have supplied us with a fresh batch of crack candy. Was it not clearly obvious last week that we were unable to control ourselves around said crack candy? Did it go unnoticed last week that your crack candy was ferociously eaten by the entire staff, and I was forced to beat poor, helpless, Joe off with a stick to save him from his own gluttony? Well I’m not taking any responsibility for the crack candy this week. If you see anyone laying by my desk unable to move and hallucinating on their sugar high it will be on your little bunny shoulders, not mine. With that in mind please note that you taste in crack candy is excellent and can always be left in Jennifer’s office, who can fend for herself.

Respectfully your,
Crack Candy Addicts of Cascade “Affable” Housing and Olympic “Fancy Pants” Investors
_____________________________________________________________________

From: JKohout
To: CBrunner; BRallis
Date: 3/24/2008 8:35 AM
Subject: RE: The Candy

Dear Addicts,
The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. Heaping the blame for your lack of willpower on the Poor Easter Bunny (PEB) is known as "denial." Please be advised that we have schedule your intervention for later this week. The PEB will email you the exact date and time.

The Staff at the Poor Easter Bunny Affiliation
_____________________________________________________________________

From: CBrunner
To: JKohout; BRallis
Date: 3/24/2008 8:41 AM
Subject: Re: The Candy

Dear Staff at the Poor Easter Bunny Affiliation,
Oh I see, it's out fault that the Pernicious Easter Bunny (PEB) is placing addictive substances in candy? Might I remind you of the Controlled Substances Act (CSA) enacted in 1970 by congress? Perhaps your legal team should be looking into that instead of attacking poor defenseless affable housing folks like us, have you no heart? Poor Easter Bunny indeed!

Still Respectfully your,
Crack Candy Addicts of Cascade “Affable” Housing and Olympic “Fancy Pants” Investors
_____________________________________________________________________

From: JKohout
To: CBrunner; BRallis
Date: 3/24/2008 8:47 AM
Subject: RE: The Candy

Dear Addicts,
We have contacted our legal department and they have assured us that our candy meets all legal standards for both ingredients and quality. We whole heartedly refute any studies that may show that some individuals may become addicted to such ingredients. It is our position that such studies were whole conducted, ur...fabricated by the government to undermine the political power of the PEB. Please direct all future communication to our Overworked & Underpaid Legal Staff (OULS).

Sincerely,
The Staff at the PEB Affiliation
_____________________________________________________________________

From: CBrunner
To: JKohout; BRallis
Date: 3/24/2008 8:57 AM
Subject: Re: The Candy

Dear OULS and PEB,
We are currently changing our legal staff due to a serious crack candy-baby overload this weekend. We found her staring at her computer unable to work and making baby noises at a picture on her computer which we are attributing to PEB's crack candy. There is still and ongoing investigation into what her newborn child has to do with the candy but we are sure that it must have something to do with her crack candy addiction. We respectfully request that an outside counsel be brought in to review the materials and to further test both the candy in your factory as well as the candy in our office, I am currently hoarding a stash at my desk for safe keeping. If you are unable to comply with this request we will be forced to take legal action, to include, sadly, placing a restraining order on the Easter Bunny, crushing the childhood dreams of goodness of our entire staff.

Sincerely,
Crack Candy Addicts of Cascade “Affable” Housing and Olympic “Fancy Pants” Investors
_____________________________________________________________________

From: JKohout
To: CBrunner; BRallis
Date: 3/24/2008 9:36 AM
Subject: RE: The Candy

Dear Addicts,
I am sorry to inform you that there is no budget for outside counsel. As for the crushed dreams of your staff - it had to happen sooner or later, they're lucky it lasted this long.

Sincerely,
The Staff
_____________________________________________________________________

From: BRallis
To: CBrunner; JKohout
Date: 3/24/2008 9:38 AM
Subject: RE: The Candy

Don't you two have work to do?

Sincerely,
Your Boss